Love Letters

Having my wife and children away for the last 10 days has gotten me to thinking a lot about our relationship. More specifically, how much I missed her and how I wanted to show her that when she gets back home.

I did a few of the things that seemed pretty obvious. I cleaned the whole house. I got rid of all the clutter that had accumulated since the end of the school year. Tossed some old toys. Donated some old clothes. Did every bit of laundry I could find. Dishes. Mopping. Dusting. Vacuuming. I realize that if she happens to walk in the door after the three boys (and the whirlwind they create) that she may not get the full effect of the work I did. So I needed to do something more.

I picked up some flowers and put them on the table in the front hallway. But I still wanted to do more this time.

I bought a blank card and decided to write her a love letter. Now, I enjoy writing, but putting into words how much I had missed her wasn’t as easy as I would have thought. I could have taken the easy way out and just found a nice “missed you” card at the store, but that seemed insufficient. I needed to put it in my own words.

For those of you that don’t enjoy writing, it may be even more difficult to put your feelings down on paper. Here are some things you need to help you get started:

1. No matter what you write, your wife/husband is going to love getting your letter
The fact that you took the time to write how you feel about them is going to let them know your love for them is important to you.
2. Write what you feel, deep down
Don’t be afraid. Give yourself permission to show your passionate side. It may sound a little silly, but when they read it your openness will warm them to the core.
3. Don’t wait for a special occasion
This doesn’t mean you can forget the cards/letters on your anniversary, but you don’t need to limit yourself to these occasions. Any day is a good day to tell them how much you love them.
4. Delivering your letter
If you think far enough ahead, I suggest putting it in the mail. We all like getting letters in the mail, but a romantic love letter from your spouse tops the list.

I hope this helps put a little spark in your love life. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a love letter back from them someday!

Be A Great Husband

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” Proverbs 18-22

A lot of times in this section, I focus on being a Dad. It’s important to remember that a big part of being a great dad, is being a great husband.

You could ask twenty different women what a “great husband” is or does, and you will likely get twenty different answers. Some women want a husband that gets things done around the house without being asked. Others enjoy receiving gifts. Some just want to spend time alone with their husbands talking about feelings.

I’d say a great first step in being a great husband is finding out what it means to your wife. What is it that she appreciates most about what you do? Or, what does she wish you could try to do better? Once you know, it may take some work on your part, but you need to try to accommodate those things.

One of the people I work with just told us about a trip he took with his wife. He is a husband that is very comfortable getting things done. Tell him what you need fixed, or built, and he is all over it. His wife, however, would prefer spending time with him – alone. “We went for a walk along the pier holding hands. We just kept walking & talking (I was mostly listening). It would have been a lot easier for me to show my love by fixing the washing machine. For that matter, even doing the washing!” But he did it anyway. That is what a great husband does!

Sometimes our walk with the Lord isn’t always “comfortable” but we do it anyways. Being married doesn’t always mean doing what we are comfortable doing, but we are lucky that we have found a wife that loves us. Whatever it takes to keep that relationship strong – do it.

Daddy..Daddy..Daddy

The other day I took my two youngest boys to Sports Authority to pick up a few things. It had been raining for most of the day, and we just needed to get out of the house for a little bit.

I sort of wish that I had one of those little hand held counter devices to keep track of the number of times I heard the word "Daddy" along the way. The each had question after question for me. Most of them were about baseball. Some of them were about driving a car. But they were non-stop!

For about a second I noticed myself getting tired of hearing "Daddy.." so many times. Then I remembered how good it feels to have them asking me questions. I want to be the one that they come to whenever they want to get an answer to something. Anything. For now, it's about sports or cars, but how cool will it be when they come to me with questions about girls? About jobs? About family? About Christ? If I were to just ask them to stop asking so many questions now when they are young, what would make them come to me when the questions are more serious?

My wife is taking all three boys on a trip with my mother-in-law for a couple of weeks. I'm really going to miss her. I'm also going to miss hearing "Daddy" followed by a question each time.

So You Think You Are Tough?

I had a hard time deciding what to call this article. My second choice was "What's Your Excuse?"

I've mentioned my wife Angie before. Her faith in God and her relentless spirit are true inspirations for just about anyone that meets her. This week she has found a way to add even more examples of both.

Here is a little background for those that don't know about her. When Angie was 17 she was diagnosed with Macular Degeneration and declared legally-blind. They took away her driver's license within a year of her diagnosis. Rather than sit and feel sorry for herself, she began running. Over the years she has completed 39 marathons/ultra-marathons, as well as 4 Ironman triathlons. (She was the first-ever physcially challenged female to compete and finish the Ironman Triathlon World Championship in Kona, Hawaii)

About a year and a half ago, she came down with congestive heart failure. They implanted a pacemaker/defibrillator back in January of 2008. Not letting that stop her, she completed two more marathons this past winter.

Although her heart has improved from her initial stay in the hospital, it still isn't great. A couple of days ago they tried to do a procedure to limit the number of extra beats to give her heart a better chance to recover. After 3 hours in surgery, they were unable to access the area with the biggest trouble. Her next step is to try ANOTHER new medication before they would need to do a surgery going in through the chest.

When she woke up and heard the news, she just took it all in stride. Like always, she didn't feel sorry for herself. Wasn't disappointed. Wasn't depressed. She just said, "Ok. Lets try the new medication and see what happens."

Not only is she psychologically tough, but physically as well. Although she broke her foot this past weekend and has a walking boot/cast she was up at 4a.m. the day of the surgery getting a workout on the elliptical trainer. She knew she was going to be lying in bed for a couple of days, so she wanted to get a workout in first.

So whenever I get lazy, or tired, or even a little hurt and want to make up some excuse for not going to train that day, I just need to remember that with everything she deals with (including me) she doesn't make excuses. She doesn't give up. She doesn't give anything less than 100%. Not as an athlete. Not as a mom. Not as a wife. Not as a Christian.

Thank God for putting her in my life. Amen.

Steroids: Time To Forget About the Pros?

This was a letter I wrote a few years ago. It's incredible how it is still so relevant today. For me, it is even more relevant now because one of my sons is really excited about baseball. With all of the news lately regarding A-Rod and Manny Ramirez, it's tough telling him to admire the skills that a lot of the players possess, while still taking some of it with a grain of salt.


It's hard to watch the headlines each day. I check to see who is under suspicion, who tested positive, who was "cleared," if only in the legal sense. The more I watch and read, the more I tend to give up the idea that things are ever really going to change regarding drugs in sports, as long as sponsors will pay to support the events or the guys wearing their corporate logos on TV. So at times I think we should just forget the records, forget the morals, forget the professional side of sports, and just make sure we teach the kids that riding a bike is a fun, healthy way to get around, spend time with other people, maybe even compete.But we need to make it clear to them that once they get past a certain competitive point (like moving up from pee-wee football to the high-school game), somebody is going to be cheating. The higher up you go in the sporting ranks, the better the chances are that a competitor is doing anything and everything he can to win.

I'm a father to three awesome little boys. Would I want them to strive to be professional athletes? No way. I want them to be happy and healthy. To be able to complete a triathlon, play a game of baseball, shoot some hoops, play some golf. Maybe even get good enough at any one of these things so they can spend their summers teaching other kids how to play. It worked that way for me and my dad, and I thank him all of the time. I thank him for not making me focus on just one sport. For not making me think that the only reason to play was to win. He was never officially my coach at any of the sports I played, competitively or otherwise. But he was always willing to play with me and teach me what he knew. He is certainly my coach in life, and he is the best role model I have for how I want to raise my boys. I want them to be well-rounded athletes and individuals. No college scholarships required; no need to cheat to get an advantage.

Did I know the guys that did all that stuff? Absolutely. Some of them made a decent living playing a few games on Sundays, or swinging a bat. Nothing against them for it, but they need to be able to look at themselves in the mirror each day. Maybe some day they will have to tell their kids what they "had to do" to compete on the field, or in the peloton. As long as everybody knows what the risks and consequences are, maybe we should let them have at it. Let the best prescription win.

But what do I know? I just want to be the second-best dad in the world. Oh, crud, is there something out there that somebody is taking to get one up on me there? What's his doctor's name?

Chuck Matsoff
Published on Velonews.com

Wanna Fight?

In a lot of ways, I grew up soft. I never got in a fight. I didn't play football or wrestle. Nobody ever picked on me. If there ever was any real conflict, I could just stand there or talk through the situation. A few times I had to stick up for somebody that couldn't stand up for themselves, but like they say, usually bullies just back down when somebody stands up to them.

As much as all of that is good, I still feel like I missed out on something. I guess it is just the nature of Man, but I feel like I never got tested. How would I have reacted if I actually did have to fight?

I guess that need for physical tests led me to triathlons. Nobody was trying to hurt me, so I decided I would put myself out there and test myself. Pretty quickly I realized that in triathlon, one of the biggest challenges you can take on is the Ironman. It's a 2.4mi. swim, 112mi. bike and a 26.2mi run. You get 17 hours to cross the finish line. My first one took me 16:40. I ended up finishing three more Ironman races after that. Once I got done with those tests, I got lazy. I stopped exercising and put on a ton of weight. I had passed the test. But something was still missing.

In triathlons, you are competing against other people, but the bigger competition is with yourself. Are you going to quit or keep going? Having "been there and done that" a few times meant I needed to find a new challenge. Again, it is just part of being a man.

I wasn't going to go out and pick fights at the bars just to see how I would do. Besides, when a big night on the town usually means dinner with my wife before going to Target to pick up some diapers, you don't run into a whole lot of people looking to start trouble.

I had seen one of the earliest UFC events back in the mid-90's. Here was this guy (Royce Gracie) who was a master at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ), beating up all guys that usally outweighed him by 50-100lbs. I started looking into it a bit more and found out there was a BJJ school right near where I lived. I wasn't there for self-defense. After all, I had made it 35 years without getting into a fight. But I needed some reason to exercise. And I found out that they have BJJ competitions all the time. Perfect!

So now, whenever I go to class I get tested. I have a chance to either choke somebody or get choked myself. Every night is a test. And then, every few months I sign up for a competition to test myself against people from other schools. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. But at least I'm out there challenging myself. I'm filling that void.

And as a Christian Dad, it is good for my three sons to come watch every once in awhile. They see that Daddy isn't scared. They see that I'm working hard. That this is part of being a man. And they see that I don't always win, but that I keep on trying. They still love me, even when I lose, just like they know that I love them - win or lose.

Just keep on fighting, boys. Your Dad is proud of you, Just like your Father is.

Done Living...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50DOiWq8zaI

Here is a song that I listened to over and over again while running the Austin Marathon. When it gets toward the end, and speaks about running until you can't take a step, it really spoke to me. As a Christian dad, I need to keep reminding myself that it isn't about doing everything alone. (2:01 on the video) Sometimes we need to ask Him, as well as those around us, for help.

Done Living
by Justin McRoberts

Well, I spent the whole night fighting
Fighting with some ghost
And when the break of morning found me
I’d both won and lost

You see the question isn’t
Are you going to suffer any more
But what will it have meant when you are through?
The question isn’t are you going to die, you’re going to die
But will you be done living when you do?

Yes, I spent the whole day running
Trying to catch the sun
But when the darkness overtook me
All my running had made me strong

So run till you cannot take a single step in strength
Then crawl on your hands and knees, till your hands and knees they ache
And when you cannot crawl
It will be me you call to carry you back home again.

Ahhhh.....Disney

The memories we each pick out from a trip with the kids are as different as the people that were there together. My memories this Monday morning are mostly of the journey up to Disney.

A little custom my wife and I have is that we keep the whole trip to Disney a secret for as long as possible. There are a number of reasons behind this…it cuts down on the number of times we have to answer the question “is today the day we are going to Disney?” It also allows for some unforeseeable change in plans that would cancel the trip. (My parents always taught me that as a parent, try to never say “yes” and then “no” to something.) It doesn’t always work, but it’s something I strive for as often as possible.

We picked up the kids at school for “lunch” telling them the whole time that we would bring them back to school afterwards. After all, Austin did have a very important Cereal Party that he didn’t want to miss. While we were going to lunch, we had to stop off at the Cardiologist for Angie. She had been having some issues with her defibrillator, and the doctor called her that morning and said she needed to come in and get checked out. There was still a chance that they could say she would not be able to go. We were very glad that we hadn’t said anything about Disney at that point.

Once she got the o.k. (they turned off one of the electric leads to here heart, and said she could go and just needed to come back on Tuesday to figure out what to do with the machine. She may end up needing a new device put in. What about going on the rides? They just said if you go on a ride and it zaps you, you may not want to do it again. Well, Duh! She was less concerned then I was. Every time we waited in line, I must have asked her a dozen times if she felt o.k. and if she really wanted to do it. Each time she just looked at me and smiled. Of course she was going to do the rides. How silly of me to even suggest anything less.

After nearly an hour on the road, the boys started to realize that it doesn’t usually take that long to get back to school from the mall we stopped at near Angie’s doctor.

“Are we going back to school?”

“Do you want to?”

“Yeah. My class is having a Cereal Party.”

At this point I adjust the rearview mirror so that I can watch their faces as they get the news.

“Well, we thought that maybe because you guys had done so well in school this year, and we are so proud of you, that maybe you would rather go to Disney instead. What do you think?”

“Huh?” they said as their mouths hung open.

“Well we can turn around if you want, unless you think you might want to keep going to Disney.”

“DISNEY!!!! WAHOOOOO!” they screamed in unison.

Be Their Biggest Fan

It's amazing to me how different each of my kids are. One thing they have in common though is that when they get interested in something, they go all out with it. They get completely enveloped in something to the extent that it is the first thing they think about when they wake up in the morning, and it's the last thing they want to do before bed.

My oldest son, Austin (8) has gotten into music. Guitar to be precise. He lives, eats, sleeps and breathes guitar. He told me just this morning that when he grows up he wants to either be the worship leader at a Church, or a rock star. Whichever it is, he wants to make his living with his guitar and his faith in God. Now, I don't know a thing about playing music, reading music, tuning guitars, amplifiers, microphones, songwriting, etc. And to be honest, there are just certain times that I'm not ready to hear him "play" (first thing in the morning, when I'm going to the bathroom, when I want him to get his homework done). It doesn't matter. I need to remember that he just wants me to give him the attention and encouragement to keep going with it. It's a big thing for him to know that his Dad is behind him, 100%, no matter what he wants to try.

It's a little different with my middle son, T (6). Right now, he just wants to play baseball. And if he isn't playing baseball, he wants to watch it on t.v., or read books about it, or ask me questions about it. Now this I understand. This I can actually help him with. This I can get excited about. I know this stuff. He meets me at the door whenever I get home from work with our baseball gloves in hand, ready to go outside to play catch.

And as for my youngest son, Blaze (2), I'm just guessing that he is going to be one of the toughest Mixed Martial Arts fighters around! His older brothers had better be nice to him, or he's going to be teaching them some painful lessons.

No matter what they choose, I need to be there to support them. So I'll show up at every concert, every baseball game and every practice that I can, because as their dad, that is what I am here to do. I'm here to be their biggest fan.

Thank God for giving me the opportunity to be there for each of them.

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The Best Present You Can Give

There are so many things that kids desire today. One of the most frustrating things for me happens when I sit down to watch television with my boys. Some new toy gets advertised, and one of them reacts with a hearty "Oh man, that is so cool. I want that!"

The crazy thing is that even if you were to buy them whatever the newest, coolest toys are, they won't be happy for long because the next time they go to school somebody else has something even better.

There is something that your kids want that is even more valuable, and important than anything you could buy for them: your time. The toys you buy are only going to be remembered for a short period of time. What you give them by spending time with them will be remembered forever. We need to make this a priority.

For a lot of fathers, their time is harder to give. They would rather ___ (you fill in the blank). And there are times that to be a better parent/husband you should go do those things that you enjoy. But we also need to remember that the time we have with our kids goes quickly. Before we know it, they won't want to hang out with us anymore. They would rather hang out with their friends or ___ (you fill in the blank).

Take your kids out for lunch. Do something they want to do. Just listen to them talk about their day. This will let them know that they are important to you. That you love them. That you want to be a part of their lives. It will mean a lot to them, especially as they get older. They'll learn that they can come to you to ask questions. To help them when they have a problem. And it will help them when they become parents.

What Will They Remember?

Depending on your individual circumstances, your definition of “Dad” may be skewed in any number of ways. Maybe your dad was busy at work until it was just about time for you to go to bed. He’d give you a pat on the top of your head, ask how your day went, and that was it. Maybe he was a “yeller” that came home and was so angry with everything else in his world, that when he got home he just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he wasn’t even there at all. It was just you and your mom.

Maybe, just maybe, your dad was someone you looked up to, or someone who was there for you whenever you needed him. The guy that came home from a long day at work, but as soon as you asked him to go out in the yard to play catch, he didn’t hesitate. He just grabbed his glove and went out there. He stayed out there with you until it was too dark to see the ball. The next day when he came home from work, he would do it again, no questions asked.

We have an article on spanking in this issue of FamilyOPedia. But that wasn’t something that really came up at our house. For my brother and I, the punishment that was much worse than a spanking, was to hear the words “I’m disappointed” come out of our dad’s mouth. It didn’t happen a lot, but that meant that when he did say it, it was even more devastating.

Now that I am the “DAD” in the house, with three rambunctious little boys running around, I have to decide what I want them to remember about me when they get to be parents. What do I want to teach them about being men? About being husbands? About being fathers? Some of you may remember how your dad did things, and you swear that you won’t make the same mistakes he did. Or maybe you were lucky enough to have a dad like I did. A dad that whenever I’m faced with a situation, I can ask myself, “What would he have done?” and I know that if I do the same thing, everything will be o.k.

Be a dad that they can look up to. A dad that isn’t afraid to show his love for his wife or his children. Teach them to hold the door open for another person or follow their wife into a room. Show affection to your spouse so they will learn to show affection to theirs. Let your kids know that you are here for them, even when they make a mistake. Teach them that as much as their dad loves them, their Father in heaven loves them even more than you do.

Vacation? Sort of.

Tomorrow Angie and I are headed up to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. It has been just over a year since she had her pacemaker/defibrillator put in, and there are still issues with her heart and lungs that they just can't seem to figure out.

If you look at Angie, or talk to her for awhile, you would have no idea how sick she has been, or is today. She always has a smile on her face. She finds a way to get through the day even when she doesn't feel good. She puts up with me, and our three energizer-bunny little boys.

This weekend away is the first time in a few years that we have been alone and away from home. It's hard to see it as a vacation, given that we will be spending our days at the doctors office, but I'm still looking forward to it.

We ask for your prayers as we go into the New Year with hopefully some plan of attack for Angie's health.

Thank you. God bless.