Be Their Biggest Fan

It's amazing to me how different each of my kids are. One thing they have in common though is that when they get interested in something, they go all out with it. They get completely enveloped in something to the extent that it is the first thing they think about when they wake up in the morning, and it's the last thing they want to do before bed.

My oldest son, Austin (8) has gotten into music. Guitar to be precise. He lives, eats, sleeps and breathes guitar. He told me just this morning that when he grows up he wants to either be the worship leader at a Church, or a rock star. Whichever it is, he wants to make his living with his guitar and his faith in God. Now, I don't know a thing about playing music, reading music, tuning guitars, amplifiers, microphones, songwriting, etc. And to be honest, there are just certain times that I'm not ready to hear him "play" (first thing in the morning, when I'm going to the bathroom, when I want him to get his homework done). It doesn't matter. I need to remember that he just wants me to give him the attention and encouragement to keep going with it. It's a big thing for him to know that his Dad is behind him, 100%, no matter what he wants to try.

It's a little different with my middle son, T (6). Right now, he just wants to play baseball. And if he isn't playing baseball, he wants to watch it on t.v., or read books about it, or ask me questions about it. Now this I understand. This I can actually help him with. This I can get excited about. I know this stuff. He meets me at the door whenever I get home from work with our baseball gloves in hand, ready to go outside to play catch.

And as for my youngest son, Blaze (2), I'm just guessing that he is going to be one of the toughest Mixed Martial Arts fighters around! His older brothers had better be nice to him, or he's going to be teaching them some painful lessons.

No matter what they choose, I need to be there to support them. So I'll show up at every concert, every baseball game and every practice that I can, because as their dad, that is what I am here to do. I'm here to be their biggest fan.

Thank God for giving me the opportunity to be there for each of them.

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The Best Present You Can Give

There are so many things that kids desire today. One of the most frustrating things for me happens when I sit down to watch television with my boys. Some new toy gets advertised, and one of them reacts with a hearty "Oh man, that is so cool. I want that!"

The crazy thing is that even if you were to buy them whatever the newest, coolest toys are, they won't be happy for long because the next time they go to school somebody else has something even better.

There is something that your kids want that is even more valuable, and important than anything you could buy for them: your time. The toys you buy are only going to be remembered for a short period of time. What you give them by spending time with them will be remembered forever. We need to make this a priority.

For a lot of fathers, their time is harder to give. They would rather ___ (you fill in the blank). And there are times that to be a better parent/husband you should go do those things that you enjoy. But we also need to remember that the time we have with our kids goes quickly. Before we know it, they won't want to hang out with us anymore. They would rather hang out with their friends or ___ (you fill in the blank).

Take your kids out for lunch. Do something they want to do. Just listen to them talk about their day. This will let them know that they are important to you. That you love them. That you want to be a part of their lives. It will mean a lot to them, especially as they get older. They'll learn that they can come to you to ask questions. To help them when they have a problem. And it will help them when they become parents.

What Will They Remember?

Depending on your individual circumstances, your definition of “Dad” may be skewed in any number of ways. Maybe your dad was busy at work until it was just about time for you to go to bed. He’d give you a pat on the top of your head, ask how your day went, and that was it. Maybe he was a “yeller” that came home and was so angry with everything else in his world, that when he got home he just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he wasn’t even there at all. It was just you and your mom.

Maybe, just maybe, your dad was someone you looked up to, or someone who was there for you whenever you needed him. The guy that came home from a long day at work, but as soon as you asked him to go out in the yard to play catch, he didn’t hesitate. He just grabbed his glove and went out there. He stayed out there with you until it was too dark to see the ball. The next day when he came home from work, he would do it again, no questions asked.

We have an article on spanking in this issue of FamilyOPedia. But that wasn’t something that really came up at our house. For my brother and I, the punishment that was much worse than a spanking, was to hear the words “I’m disappointed” come out of our dad’s mouth. It didn’t happen a lot, but that meant that when he did say it, it was even more devastating.

Now that I am the “DAD” in the house, with three rambunctious little boys running around, I have to decide what I want them to remember about me when they get to be parents. What do I want to teach them about being men? About being husbands? About being fathers? Some of you may remember how your dad did things, and you swear that you won’t make the same mistakes he did. Or maybe you were lucky enough to have a dad like I did. A dad that whenever I’m faced with a situation, I can ask myself, “What would he have done?” and I know that if I do the same thing, everything will be o.k.

Be a dad that they can look up to. A dad that isn’t afraid to show his love for his wife or his children. Teach them to hold the door open for another person or follow their wife into a room. Show affection to your spouse so they will learn to show affection to theirs. Let your kids know that you are here for them, even when they make a mistake. Teach them that as much as their dad loves them, their Father in heaven loves them even more than you do.

Vacation? Sort of.

Tomorrow Angie and I are headed up to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. It has been just over a year since she had her pacemaker/defibrillator put in, and there are still issues with her heart and lungs that they just can't seem to figure out.

If you look at Angie, or talk to her for awhile, you would have no idea how sick she has been, or is today. She always has a smile on her face. She finds a way to get through the day even when she doesn't feel good. She puts up with me, and our three energizer-bunny little boys.

This weekend away is the first time in a few years that we have been alone and away from home. It's hard to see it as a vacation, given that we will be spending our days at the doctors office, but I'm still looking forward to it.

We ask for your prayers as we go into the New Year with hopefully some plan of attack for Angie's health.

Thank you. God bless.

Mistakes- Would You Change Them?

This morning at work we watched a video from Andy Stanley regarding the mistakes we have made, and creating a new standard for ourselves as we make decisions now. It was a great message that encouraged me to consider the decisions that I need to make utilizing my past, my current situations and the goals that I have for the future.

There was a part at the beginning of the message that was a little bit troubling for me. He wanted everyone to think about all of the mistakes we have made - relationship mistakes, financial mistakes, moral mistakes, etc. and how we often wish that we could go back and change them. This is something in particular that I have spent a lot of time going over in my head, and have come to a pretty clear realization concerning all of my past "mistakes".

I have been as bad as anyone in looking back on the decisions I've made. "I wish I had studied this in school. I wish I saved some of that money that I had spent on drugs. I wish I had never met so and so." But now I look at all of those things differently. I had to make those decisions to be where I am today. I used to say to my wife that it was literally every left turn and every right turn that we had ever taken that led us to eachother. God is, and was, in control of all those things, just like He is in control over all things. It's been played out in movies before-what if the guy stepped off the curb just a little sooner and got picked off by the bus, or if he didn't wait at the stop sign he may not have met the love of his life around the next corner. The thing is, that all of the things we have done were a part of His plan for us.

As soon as I give my mind the opportunity to try to "change" one of those things that I had done, I put myself in control. Not only that, but I have to also change everything about where I am now. I wouldn't have met my amazing wife. I wouldn't be the father to three incredible little boys. It's pretty clear that I also wouldn't have become a Christian. Thankfully, God let me make all of those turns, kept me alive even when I didn't really want to be, and got me to today.

I don't talk about those "mistakes", or choices anymore, unless it is to demonstrate how great He is to have used them all for my own good. To show how incredible His grace, His love and His forgiveness has been in my life. I wouldn't tell other people to do some of the things that I have done, but I wouldn't want to change any of them-for me. I needed to make each and every one of them.

You Are Either All-In or Not

When we decide to accept that there is just one God, and that he is completely sovereign over all things, than we are all-in.

When I talk to people about my faith, in particular my life before accepting Christ as my savior, they often try to dissect it. "Well, you don't really think that being addicted to drugs was part of His plan for you, do you?" I can only answer that, yes, I do believe it was part of His plan for me. I also believe that when my wife was declared legally-blind when she was just 17, that this was part of His plan for her. It may be hard to accept at the time, but it is easy to see now how God used both of these things to bring us together.

Now, I wouldn't recommend anyone else try to take the path that I took, but it was absolutely what had to happen to me in order for me to be where I am today. Jesus was in control of my life, even though I hadn't accepted him. He knew the plans he had for me even before I was born.

Having the faith and the understanding that there is a God who is in control of all things makes it easier for us to accept the things that come our way. Life still happens. There are health struggles. Financial struggles. Relationship struggles. But accepting the truth that we are not in control, but that there is a God who loves us that is, it takes some of the weight off of our shoulders and remain focused on the blessings that we have. It's kind of nice having some of that pressure gone. I sure didn't react well when I thought it was all on me.

The One that is Just Like Me

When we were younger my brother and I were (for the most part) responsible kids. When we were old enough to stay at home alone, our parents trusted that we would make the right decisions. But there were times we weren't so responsible or respectful where my parents would look at us and say (almost like a curse), "I hope your children do to you what you did to us."

My brother is in a totally different world with his kids. He has three beautiful little girls that are going to be giving him all kinds of grief. And if it isn't them, it will be the boys that come around his house that might do him in.

Not me. I have three boys. Each time one of them was around two years old, my mom would say that that was the one that was just like me, finished off with a hearty "Ha Ha Ha, Chuck." Obviously they can't all be just like me, When we just had two, it was easy for me to see which one was me, and which one was my brother. One time when the older one was sitting nicely watching something on t.v. when the younger (now middle-child) just went up to him and pushed him in the back. I couldn't help but laugh and call my brother to say that I was watching my kids re-enact something that happened between us so many times. Then the third little guy came and threw me for a loop. He's not exactly like me, and not quite like my brother. It will take me some time to figure him out.

What I am worried about is the middle one. He is very much a little version of me. There are good things about this, and some very troubling things as well. I know that as he grows up, he will never have a problem with sports. He isn't going to be a bully, and will stick up for the anyone that needs it. The thing I am worried about is him taking care of himself. It took me years to accept the fact that I dealt with depression. And even when I did realize it, it took even longer for me to actually do something about it. There were a lot of times that God was working overtime, because I am still here, despite the fact that I didn't want to be.

As I watch him grow up, I am afraid that he is going to face the same internal struggles that I did. He isn't quite old enough yet to try to explain to him what I went through, and that it doesn't have to be that way for him. And who knows, maybe the fact that he is growing up knowing that there is a God who loves him and wants only the best for him, just like his parents want for him, that he won't get down as low as I did.

I knew my parents loved me, and that still wasn't enough. I'm praying that he finds a relationship with Him sooner then I did.