The Best Present You Can Give

There are so many things that kids desire today. One of the most frustrating things for me happens when I sit down to watch television with my boys. Some new toy gets advertised, and one of them reacts with a hearty "Oh man, that is so cool. I want that!"

The crazy thing is that even if you were to buy them whatever the newest, coolest toys are, they won't be happy for long because the next time they go to school somebody else has something even better.

There is something that your kids want that is even more valuable, and important than anything you could buy for them: your time. The toys you buy are only going to be remembered for a short period of time. What you give them by spending time with them will be remembered forever. We need to make this a priority.

For a lot of fathers, their time is harder to give. They would rather ___ (you fill in the blank). And there are times that to be a better parent/husband you should go do those things that you enjoy. But we also need to remember that the time we have with our kids goes quickly. Before we know it, they won't want to hang out with us anymore. They would rather hang out with their friends or ___ (you fill in the blank).

Take your kids out for lunch. Do something they want to do. Just listen to them talk about their day. This will let them know that they are important to you. That you love them. That you want to be a part of their lives. It will mean a lot to them, especially as they get older. They'll learn that they can come to you to ask questions. To help them when they have a problem. And it will help them when they become parents.

What Will They Remember?

Depending on your individual circumstances, your definition of “Dad” may be skewed in any number of ways. Maybe your dad was busy at work until it was just about time for you to go to bed. He’d give you a pat on the top of your head, ask how your day went, and that was it. Maybe he was a “yeller” that came home and was so angry with everything else in his world, that when he got home he just wanted to be left alone. Maybe he wasn’t even there at all. It was just you and your mom.

Maybe, just maybe, your dad was someone you looked up to, or someone who was there for you whenever you needed him. The guy that came home from a long day at work, but as soon as you asked him to go out in the yard to play catch, he didn’t hesitate. He just grabbed his glove and went out there. He stayed out there with you until it was too dark to see the ball. The next day when he came home from work, he would do it again, no questions asked.

We have an article on spanking in this issue of FamilyOPedia. But that wasn’t something that really came up at our house. For my brother and I, the punishment that was much worse than a spanking, was to hear the words “I’m disappointed” come out of our dad’s mouth. It didn’t happen a lot, but that meant that when he did say it, it was even more devastating.

Now that I am the “DAD” in the house, with three rambunctious little boys running around, I have to decide what I want them to remember about me when they get to be parents. What do I want to teach them about being men? About being husbands? About being fathers? Some of you may remember how your dad did things, and you swear that you won’t make the same mistakes he did. Or maybe you were lucky enough to have a dad like I did. A dad that whenever I’m faced with a situation, I can ask myself, “What would he have done?” and I know that if I do the same thing, everything will be o.k.

Be a dad that they can look up to. A dad that isn’t afraid to show his love for his wife or his children. Teach them to hold the door open for another person or follow their wife into a room. Show affection to your spouse so they will learn to show affection to theirs. Let your kids know that you are here for them, even when they make a mistake. Teach them that as much as their dad loves them, their Father in heaven loves them even more than you do.

Vacation? Sort of.

Tomorrow Angie and I are headed up to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville. It has been just over a year since she had her pacemaker/defibrillator put in, and there are still issues with her heart and lungs that they just can't seem to figure out.

If you look at Angie, or talk to her for awhile, you would have no idea how sick she has been, or is today. She always has a smile on her face. She finds a way to get through the day even when she doesn't feel good. She puts up with me, and our three energizer-bunny little boys.

This weekend away is the first time in a few years that we have been alone and away from home. It's hard to see it as a vacation, given that we will be spending our days at the doctors office, but I'm still looking forward to it.

We ask for your prayers as we go into the New Year with hopefully some plan of attack for Angie's health.

Thank you. God bless.

Mistakes- Would You Change Them?

This morning at work we watched a video from Andy Stanley regarding the mistakes we have made, and creating a new standard for ourselves as we make decisions now. It was a great message that encouraged me to consider the decisions that I need to make utilizing my past, my current situations and the goals that I have for the future.

There was a part at the beginning of the message that was a little bit troubling for me. He wanted everyone to think about all of the mistakes we have made - relationship mistakes, financial mistakes, moral mistakes, etc. and how we often wish that we could go back and change them. This is something in particular that I have spent a lot of time going over in my head, and have come to a pretty clear realization concerning all of my past "mistakes".

I have been as bad as anyone in looking back on the decisions I've made. "I wish I had studied this in school. I wish I saved some of that money that I had spent on drugs. I wish I had never met so and so." But now I look at all of those things differently. I had to make those decisions to be where I am today. I used to say to my wife that it was literally every left turn and every right turn that we had ever taken that led us to eachother. God is, and was, in control of all those things, just like He is in control over all things. It's been played out in movies before-what if the guy stepped off the curb just a little sooner and got picked off by the bus, or if he didn't wait at the stop sign he may not have met the love of his life around the next corner. The thing is, that all of the things we have done were a part of His plan for us.

As soon as I give my mind the opportunity to try to "change" one of those things that I had done, I put myself in control. Not only that, but I have to also change everything about where I am now. I wouldn't have met my amazing wife. I wouldn't be the father to three incredible little boys. It's pretty clear that I also wouldn't have become a Christian. Thankfully, God let me make all of those turns, kept me alive even when I didn't really want to be, and got me to today.

I don't talk about those "mistakes", or choices anymore, unless it is to demonstrate how great He is to have used them all for my own good. To show how incredible His grace, His love and His forgiveness has been in my life. I wouldn't tell other people to do some of the things that I have done, but I wouldn't want to change any of them-for me. I needed to make each and every one of them.

You Are Either All-In or Not

When we decide to accept that there is just one God, and that he is completely sovereign over all things, than we are all-in.

When I talk to people about my faith, in particular my life before accepting Christ as my savior, they often try to dissect it. "Well, you don't really think that being addicted to drugs was part of His plan for you, do you?" I can only answer that, yes, I do believe it was part of His plan for me. I also believe that when my wife was declared legally-blind when she was just 17, that this was part of His plan for her. It may be hard to accept at the time, but it is easy to see now how God used both of these things to bring us together.

Now, I wouldn't recommend anyone else try to take the path that I took, but it was absolutely what had to happen to me in order for me to be where I am today. Jesus was in control of my life, even though I hadn't accepted him. He knew the plans he had for me even before I was born.

Having the faith and the understanding that there is a God who is in control of all things makes it easier for us to accept the things that come our way. Life still happens. There are health struggles. Financial struggles. Relationship struggles. But accepting the truth that we are not in control, but that there is a God who loves us that is, it takes some of the weight off of our shoulders and remain focused on the blessings that we have. It's kind of nice having some of that pressure gone. I sure didn't react well when I thought it was all on me.

The One that is Just Like Me

When we were younger my brother and I were (for the most part) responsible kids. When we were old enough to stay at home alone, our parents trusted that we would make the right decisions. But there were times we weren't so responsible or respectful where my parents would look at us and say (almost like a curse), "I hope your children do to you what you did to us."

My brother is in a totally different world with his kids. He has three beautiful little girls that are going to be giving him all kinds of grief. And if it isn't them, it will be the boys that come around his house that might do him in.

Not me. I have three boys. Each time one of them was around two years old, my mom would say that that was the one that was just like me, finished off with a hearty "Ha Ha Ha, Chuck." Obviously they can't all be just like me, When we just had two, it was easy for me to see which one was me, and which one was my brother. One time when the older one was sitting nicely watching something on t.v. when the younger (now middle-child) just went up to him and pushed him in the back. I couldn't help but laugh and call my brother to say that I was watching my kids re-enact something that happened between us so many times. Then the third little guy came and threw me for a loop. He's not exactly like me, and not quite like my brother. It will take me some time to figure him out.

What I am worried about is the middle one. He is very much a little version of me. There are good things about this, and some very troubling things as well. I know that as he grows up, he will never have a problem with sports. He isn't going to be a bully, and will stick up for the anyone that needs it. The thing I am worried about is him taking care of himself. It took me years to accept the fact that I dealt with depression. And even when I did realize it, it took even longer for me to actually do something about it. There were a lot of times that God was working overtime, because I am still here, despite the fact that I didn't want to be.

As I watch him grow up, I am afraid that he is going to face the same internal struggles that I did. He isn't quite old enough yet to try to explain to him what I went through, and that it doesn't have to be that way for him. And who knows, maybe the fact that he is growing up knowing that there is a God who loves him and wants only the best for him, just like his parents want for him, that he won't get down as low as I did.

I knew my parents loved me, and that still wasn't enough. I'm praying that he finds a relationship with Him sooner then I did.

Going For a Run With God

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." - Phil. 4:13

Living a life that has a relationship with Jesus Christ is often referred to as a walk. This past weekend, I went for a run with Him.

Years ago, my wife Angie and I had participated in all kinds of endurance events. There were sprint triathlons, marathons, ultra-marathons and even a few Ironman triathlons. I began doing these events for a number of reasons. But those reasons were all about me. What was I capable of? I could do whatever I set my mind to. The problem with that was at a number of events, when I decided that I had gone far enough, I would quit. I'd get off my bike, or I would just start walking. Sometimes I would just wait by the side of the road until one of the support vehicles came by to take me to the finish line. After a few of these D.N.F.s (Did Not Finish), it became easier and easier to quit. After all, I was just running for me. The only person I was letting down was myself. And at times, I didn't like myself all that much. Afterall, I was the one that decided not to train the right way, even though I knew there was going to be a race coming up. You've probably heard the expression, "failing to prepare, is preparing to fail." That was me. Sometimes I think I almost did it on purpose because I felt like such a loser that I would set myself up, knowing that I wasn't going to be able to finish.

Finally, after a few of these negative racing experiences, I decided to give it up completely. Not only wasn't I going to race anymore, but I wasn't even going to exercise. We owned a gym. I was a personal trainer. Our lives had revolved around health and fitness for years. But I threw in the towel. When I decided that I wasn't going to work out, I ate everything in sight. Over the next year I had put on almost 50 pounds. The people at the pizza place knew me so well that when I would call and say, "Hi. It's Chuck," they would basically just hang up the phone and half an hour later would be knocking on my door. Soon after this, I began my relationship with Christ, even though I sure wasn't treating my body like a temple.

One of the strange things about all of this was that my wife continued to race. Because she is legally-blind, it was my responsibility to drive her to all of the events. Usually, I would hang out with her at the start line and then go sleep in my car until I thought she would be getting close to finishing. I'd meet her at the finish line, get back in the car and drive home. I can't tell you how many times I would be standing around with her when somebody would come up to us, look me straight in the eye and say, "Wow. You sure put on a lot of weight." Now really. On what planet do you think you are on where this is ever an appropriate thing to say to somebody? What was I supposed to say to that? "Um...yeah. I guess I did."

The thing is, the races weren't the only times people would say that to me. There were very few days that went by when I didn't hear it from somebody. Finally when I had reached maximum density, I decided I would try working out again. We had closed our gym, so I decided to try some of the other ones around town. I kid you not when I tell you that there were times I would be running on a treadmill, with my headphones on, only to have somebody come stand in front of me and just look at me until I took my headphones off to say hello. And what would they say? "Wow. You look like you put on a lot of weight." Ugh.

That was it. I found a personal training studio, and for Christmas my wife got me some sessions with a trainer. It was great. I would work out, and nobody else was around. After a few sessions, and starting to see some results, I got the courage up to go to a small gym that had just opened. I was there everyday. My wife was a huge support, and always made sure that we ate healthy and I had time to get my workout in.

Over the course of the past two years, I have gotten most of the weight off, and even put on some extra muscle that I didn't have before. I don't have to listen to people call me fat anymore, although there are still people that remember me from way back when I weighed about 150lbs. that say I got bigger, but that is only on a very rare occassion. During the summer my wife was given permission to start racing again after dealing with congestive heart failure for the past year. I decided that I would try to race again too. No more sitting in the car on race-day.

This past Sunday was the beginning of our road back to the Ironman. It was a half-marathon (13.1 miles) here in Fort Lauderdale. Before the race, I had listened to a clip on my phone from the movie "Facing the Giants." It was the scene known as the Death Crawl. If you have seen the movie you know exactly what I am talking about. If not, I highly recommend it. It basically says don't quit. Give it all you've got. Give God all that you have and do your best. Just don't quit. When we were at the starting line, my wife gave me a kiss and said, "Don't quit. You'll be angry with yourself if you do."

Around the 11 mile mark, I wanted to walk it in. I knew I would finish the race, but I wanted to give up on my goal of going under 2 hours. I kept thinking about what Angie had said. What the scene in the movie was saying. If it was just me running, I would have quit. After all, it hurt. I'm not a thin little guy that floats with every step. I lumber and pound my way through it. But this time it was different. This was the first time that I had raced with God right there alongside me. Even if I didn't have the strength to want to continue, He had it for me. It wasn't just about me running this time. It was also about showing myself, and even some of the people that have seen the impact He has made in my life, that with Him we can do anything.

I crossed the finish line with some time to spare. When it was over, it was hard not to just drop down and start crying. It wasn't about me. It was just another example of God's power and strength that brought me back, not just to the finish line, but more importantly, to the starting line.