Be A Great Husband

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” Proverbs 18-22

A lot of times in this section, I focus on being a Dad. It’s important to remember that a big part of being a great dad, is being a great husband.

You could ask twenty different women what a “great husband” is or does, and you will likely get twenty different answers. Some women want a husband that gets things done around the house without being asked. Others enjoy receiving gifts. Some just want to spend time alone with their husbands talking about feelings.

I’d say a great first step in being a great husband is finding out what it means to your wife. What is it that she appreciates most about what you do? Or, what does she wish you could try to do better? Once you know, it may take some work on your part, but you need to try to accommodate those things.

One of the people I work with just told us about a trip he took with his wife. He is a husband that is very comfortable getting things done. Tell him what you need fixed, or built, and he is all over it. His wife, however, would prefer spending time with him – alone. “We went for a walk along the pier holding hands. We just kept walking & talking (I was mostly listening). It would have been a lot easier for me to show my love by fixing the washing machine. For that matter, even doing the washing!” But he did it anyway. That is what a great husband does!

Sometimes our walk with the Lord isn’t always “comfortable” but we do it anyways. Being married doesn’t always mean doing what we are comfortable doing, but we are lucky that we have found a wife that loves us. Whatever it takes to keep that relationship strong – do it.

Daddy..Daddy..Daddy

The other day I took my two youngest boys to Sports Authority to pick up a few things. It had been raining for most of the day, and we just needed to get out of the house for a little bit.

I sort of wish that I had one of those little hand held counter devices to keep track of the number of times I heard the word "Daddy" along the way. The each had question after question for me. Most of them were about baseball. Some of them were about driving a car. But they were non-stop!

For about a second I noticed myself getting tired of hearing "Daddy.." so many times. Then I remembered how good it feels to have them asking me questions. I want to be the one that they come to whenever they want to get an answer to something. Anything. For now, it's about sports or cars, but how cool will it be when they come to me with questions about girls? About jobs? About family? About Christ? If I were to just ask them to stop asking so many questions now when they are young, what would make them come to me when the questions are more serious?

My wife is taking all three boys on a trip with my mother-in-law for a couple of weeks. I'm really going to miss her. I'm also going to miss hearing "Daddy" followed by a question each time.

So You Think You Are Tough?

I had a hard time deciding what to call this article. My second choice was "What's Your Excuse?"

I've mentioned my wife Angie before. Her faith in God and her relentless spirit are true inspirations for just about anyone that meets her. This week she has found a way to add even more examples of both.

Here is a little background for those that don't know about her. When Angie was 17 she was diagnosed with Macular Degeneration and declared legally-blind. They took away her driver's license within a year of her diagnosis. Rather than sit and feel sorry for herself, she began running. Over the years she has completed 39 marathons/ultra-marathons, as well as 4 Ironman triathlons. (She was the first-ever physcially challenged female to compete and finish the Ironman Triathlon World Championship in Kona, Hawaii)

About a year and a half ago, she came down with congestive heart failure. They implanted a pacemaker/defibrillator back in January of 2008. Not letting that stop her, she completed two more marathons this past winter.

Although her heart has improved from her initial stay in the hospital, it still isn't great. A couple of days ago they tried to do a procedure to limit the number of extra beats to give her heart a better chance to recover. After 3 hours in surgery, they were unable to access the area with the biggest trouble. Her next step is to try ANOTHER new medication before they would need to do a surgery going in through the chest.

When she woke up and heard the news, she just took it all in stride. Like always, she didn't feel sorry for herself. Wasn't disappointed. Wasn't depressed. She just said, "Ok. Lets try the new medication and see what happens."

Not only is she psychologically tough, but physically as well. Although she broke her foot this past weekend and has a walking boot/cast she was up at 4a.m. the day of the surgery getting a workout on the elliptical trainer. She knew she was going to be lying in bed for a couple of days, so she wanted to get a workout in first.

So whenever I get lazy, or tired, or even a little hurt and want to make up some excuse for not going to train that day, I just need to remember that with everything she deals with (including me) she doesn't make excuses. She doesn't give up. She doesn't give anything less than 100%. Not as an athlete. Not as a mom. Not as a wife. Not as a Christian.

Thank God for putting her in my life. Amen.

Steroids: Time To Forget About the Pros?

This was a letter I wrote a few years ago. It's incredible how it is still so relevant today. For me, it is even more relevant now because one of my sons is really excited about baseball. With all of the news lately regarding A-Rod and Manny Ramirez, it's tough telling him to admire the skills that a lot of the players possess, while still taking some of it with a grain of salt.


It's hard to watch the headlines each day. I check to see who is under suspicion, who tested positive, who was "cleared," if only in the legal sense. The more I watch and read, the more I tend to give up the idea that things are ever really going to change regarding drugs in sports, as long as sponsors will pay to support the events or the guys wearing their corporate logos on TV. So at times I think we should just forget the records, forget the morals, forget the professional side of sports, and just make sure we teach the kids that riding a bike is a fun, healthy way to get around, spend time with other people, maybe even compete.But we need to make it clear to them that once they get past a certain competitive point (like moving up from pee-wee football to the high-school game), somebody is going to be cheating. The higher up you go in the sporting ranks, the better the chances are that a competitor is doing anything and everything he can to win.

I'm a father to three awesome little boys. Would I want them to strive to be professional athletes? No way. I want them to be happy and healthy. To be able to complete a triathlon, play a game of baseball, shoot some hoops, play some golf. Maybe even get good enough at any one of these things so they can spend their summers teaching other kids how to play. It worked that way for me and my dad, and I thank him all of the time. I thank him for not making me focus on just one sport. For not making me think that the only reason to play was to win. He was never officially my coach at any of the sports I played, competitively or otherwise. But he was always willing to play with me and teach me what he knew. He is certainly my coach in life, and he is the best role model I have for how I want to raise my boys. I want them to be well-rounded athletes and individuals. No college scholarships required; no need to cheat to get an advantage.

Did I know the guys that did all that stuff? Absolutely. Some of them made a decent living playing a few games on Sundays, or swinging a bat. Nothing against them for it, but they need to be able to look at themselves in the mirror each day. Maybe some day they will have to tell their kids what they "had to do" to compete on the field, or in the peloton. As long as everybody knows what the risks and consequences are, maybe we should let them have at it. Let the best prescription win.

But what do I know? I just want to be the second-best dad in the world. Oh, crud, is there something out there that somebody is taking to get one up on me there? What's his doctor's name?

Chuck Matsoff
Published on Velonews.com

Wanna Fight?

In a lot of ways, I grew up soft. I never got in a fight. I didn't play football or wrestle. Nobody ever picked on me. If there ever was any real conflict, I could just stand there or talk through the situation. A few times I had to stick up for somebody that couldn't stand up for themselves, but like they say, usually bullies just back down when somebody stands up to them.

As much as all of that is good, I still feel like I missed out on something. I guess it is just the nature of Man, but I feel like I never got tested. How would I have reacted if I actually did have to fight?

I guess that need for physical tests led me to triathlons. Nobody was trying to hurt me, so I decided I would put myself out there and test myself. Pretty quickly I realized that in triathlon, one of the biggest challenges you can take on is the Ironman. It's a 2.4mi. swim, 112mi. bike and a 26.2mi run. You get 17 hours to cross the finish line. My first one took me 16:40. I ended up finishing three more Ironman races after that. Once I got done with those tests, I got lazy. I stopped exercising and put on a ton of weight. I had passed the test. But something was still missing.

In triathlons, you are competing against other people, but the bigger competition is with yourself. Are you going to quit or keep going? Having "been there and done that" a few times meant I needed to find a new challenge. Again, it is just part of being a man.

I wasn't going to go out and pick fights at the bars just to see how I would do. Besides, when a big night on the town usually means dinner with my wife before going to Target to pick up some diapers, you don't run into a whole lot of people looking to start trouble.

I had seen one of the earliest UFC events back in the mid-90's. Here was this guy (Royce Gracie) who was a master at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ), beating up all guys that usally outweighed him by 50-100lbs. I started looking into it a bit more and found out there was a BJJ school right near where I lived. I wasn't there for self-defense. After all, I had made it 35 years without getting into a fight. But I needed some reason to exercise. And I found out that they have BJJ competitions all the time. Perfect!

So now, whenever I go to class I get tested. I have a chance to either choke somebody or get choked myself. Every night is a test. And then, every few months I sign up for a competition to test myself against people from other schools. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. But at least I'm out there challenging myself. I'm filling that void.

And as a Christian Dad, it is good for my three sons to come watch every once in awhile. They see that Daddy isn't scared. They see that I'm working hard. That this is part of being a man. And they see that I don't always win, but that I keep on trying. They still love me, even when I lose, just like they know that I love them - win or lose.

Just keep on fighting, boys. Your Dad is proud of you, Just like your Father is.

Done Living...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50DOiWq8zaI

Here is a song that I listened to over and over again while running the Austin Marathon. When it gets toward the end, and speaks about running until you can't take a step, it really spoke to me. As a Christian dad, I need to keep reminding myself that it isn't about doing everything alone. (2:01 on the video) Sometimes we need to ask Him, as well as those around us, for help.

Done Living
by Justin McRoberts

Well, I spent the whole night fighting
Fighting with some ghost
And when the break of morning found me
I’d both won and lost

You see the question isn’t
Are you going to suffer any more
But what will it have meant when you are through?
The question isn’t are you going to die, you’re going to die
But will you be done living when you do?

Yes, I spent the whole day running
Trying to catch the sun
But when the darkness overtook me
All my running had made me strong

So run till you cannot take a single step in strength
Then crawl on your hands and knees, till your hands and knees they ache
And when you cannot crawl
It will be me you call to carry you back home again.

Ahhhh.....Disney

The memories we each pick out from a trip with the kids are as different as the people that were there together. My memories this Monday morning are mostly of the journey up to Disney.

A little custom my wife and I have is that we keep the whole trip to Disney a secret for as long as possible. There are a number of reasons behind this…it cuts down on the number of times we have to answer the question “is today the day we are going to Disney?” It also allows for some unforeseeable change in plans that would cancel the trip. (My parents always taught me that as a parent, try to never say “yes” and then “no” to something.) It doesn’t always work, but it’s something I strive for as often as possible.

We picked up the kids at school for “lunch” telling them the whole time that we would bring them back to school afterwards. After all, Austin did have a very important Cereal Party that he didn’t want to miss. While we were going to lunch, we had to stop off at the Cardiologist for Angie. She had been having some issues with her defibrillator, and the doctor called her that morning and said she needed to come in and get checked out. There was still a chance that they could say she would not be able to go. We were very glad that we hadn’t said anything about Disney at that point.

Once she got the o.k. (they turned off one of the electric leads to here heart, and said she could go and just needed to come back on Tuesday to figure out what to do with the machine. She may end up needing a new device put in. What about going on the rides? They just said if you go on a ride and it zaps you, you may not want to do it again. Well, Duh! She was less concerned then I was. Every time we waited in line, I must have asked her a dozen times if she felt o.k. and if she really wanted to do it. Each time she just looked at me and smiled. Of course she was going to do the rides. How silly of me to even suggest anything less.

After nearly an hour on the road, the boys started to realize that it doesn’t usually take that long to get back to school from the mall we stopped at near Angie’s doctor.

“Are we going back to school?”

“Do you want to?”

“Yeah. My class is having a Cereal Party.”

At this point I adjust the rearview mirror so that I can watch their faces as they get the news.

“Well, we thought that maybe because you guys had done so well in school this year, and we are so proud of you, that maybe you would rather go to Disney instead. What do you think?”

“Huh?” they said as their mouths hung open.

“Well we can turn around if you want, unless you think you might want to keep going to Disney.”

“DISNEY!!!! WAHOOOOO!” they screamed in unison.